twothousandten

New Years fucking sucks. But, as much as I hate to admit it, I will be partaking in this binge drinking, false-hope-spreading, pseudo optimistic, excuse for excessive glitter, "holiday". I guess I am making what you would call "A Resolution". Barf. (Note To Self: Resolute the over-use of quotation marks).

No...I will not partake in the dressing-up-like-you-look-like-a-cheap-fucking-disco-ball-from-Forever-21 show of girls. I will not be one of the drunken twenty -somethings on the dance floor with their vodka soda bopping around to synthesized Lady Gaga; "Oh I LOOOVVEEE THIS SONG". I will not act like I can drop it low. I will not participate in the outspoken countdown from 10 to 1. I will not kiss someone at midnight and have naive misconceptions about what love really is.

Every New Years since I can remember has been shitty. From hair pulling, to break ups, to cheating, to jail, to failed friendships, to big mistakes, and many, many tears. New Years has always been bad for me.

But...I'm feeling sorta cheesy and slightly optimistic at the moment. So...as of now...I resolute the following:

1. To be me. Sometimes I censor my immaturity and cower away when I feel shy and vulnerable. But shit...thats me. I'm sick of making excuses for my awkwardness. I'm a little strange sometimes. I shouldn't have to make excuses for this. Accept the weirdo.

2. Explore. I've hardly been anywhere. I mean...In my mind I have been to planets that don't even exist yet...but here on what we call Earth (major restraint from quotations there), I want to see more. The farthest East I've been of the West Coast has been Arizona...(judging)....it's sad but true. I'm not afraid. I want to see the world.

3. Me. I want to take more care of myself. I can go weeks without flossing, a day or two without a shower, hair in a messy pony and out the door. Shaving? Who cares. Pick up wrinkled clothes off the floor and throw 'em on. I'm a lady...I should act like one.

Pessimistic veil: back on. Have a happy New Year. Just know that you can start new anytime.