I threw up my lunch today. Again.

At this point I'm just trying to figure out the most enjoyable thing to regurgitate. So far Chinese takeout is my least favorite. Ravioli seems to be tolerable. Alcohol is the easiest.

I thought I was finally past this overly emotional, self loathing part of my life. I've already been that girl, lying on the bathroom floor drinking myself to sleep while listening to the Bright Eyes discography. I suppose heartache always feels this shitty. You think that one day you will grow and mature...learn to take things in stride and see it as a lesson learned. Wrong. I'm right back on the bathroom floor. If anything it just gets fucking worse.

In the past week I've added three layers of brick to my wall. I'm a goddamn mason. I'm trying so hard not to be jaded by love but I can't help but lose a little less faith every time I get a brick thrown in my face.

I've never wanted to hit the fast forward button so bad in my life. This year has so far been nothing but shocker after shocker. That's what she said? Okay, yeah...I'm a lady. Anyway, really. I feel like I'm on the fucking Truman Show. I thought Arizona was going to be a new start in the right direction. Now I'm not so sure. I feel like I've been lost in this desert without water and I'm mistaking inanimate objects as loved ones. My mom always tells me this story of when I was a kid, back in Oregon. My grandma had one of those miniature cactus things in a pot on her coffee table. I kept trying to touch it one night and my mom kept telling me it would hurt me. So what did I do? Oh of course I open face slapped the thing. Twenty years later what do I do? I move to the cactus capitol of fucking America and jump head first off a cliff onto a Saguaro. I use metaphors way too much. Even I don't get it.

I'm so fucking tired. And I'm using the F word even more frequently which means I'm REALLY at a loss for words. I'm exhausted. Hopefully my mind will clear up soon and I can make sense of this whole shit storm that seems to never end. Once again...metaphors...NOT on point. Bed. Sleep. Now.

My mom just gave me an Easter Bunny Pez. I think I just found the best thing to throw up.



"So long everything!" he shouted, then he ran next door to Margot's house.

"I'm moving," he said.

"Where?" asked Margot.

"Two weeks away," said Mitchell.

"Where is that?" asked Margot.

"It's everywhere I will be after I walk for two weeks," said Mitchell, "I have lived in the same place for a long time, it is time for me to go some place else."

"No." said Margot, "You have only lived next door for fifteen years."

"Sixteen," said Mitchell.

"Fifteen...sixteen, what's the difference?" said Margot, "I want you to stay next door forever."

"I can't," said Mitchell, " I do not want to go wake up in the same old bed and eat breakfast in the same old kitchen. Every room in my house is the same old room, because I have lived there too long. “

"And you look at me and think, same old face, same old tail, same old scale, same old walk, same old talk, same old Margot,"

"No," said Mitchell, "I like your face, tail, scale, walk, and talk.”

”I like you."

"I like you too," said Mitchell. He walked through the door.

"I must pack," he said.

“Don’t you do what you’ve wanted to. Yeah, don’t destroy yourself like those cowards do and maybe the sun keeps coming up because it has gotten used to you and your constant need for proof.”